The Evangelitubbies

This was a sketch about unity and disunity in Churches and was produced for Pray Haringey in 1997. It uses the cast of the Teletubbies and underlines the idiocy of things that keep evangelical Christians apart.

Cast: Four people dressed up like the Teletubbies. Two large males, Tinky-Winky and Dipsy, and two females, La-La and a shorter Po. A Narrator

Narr We are here tonight as representatives of various Churches in the Borough of Haringey to celebrate our one-ness in Christ and to share together as God's people in worship and prayer. (pause)

Ask any one of our children about about Tinky-Winky, Dipsy, Laa-La and Po and they would tell you that they are the Teletubbies (with emphasis); four happy little people who hit our television screens big time in 1997. They love one another and live in harmony and work together for the common good.

Tonight our own evangelitubbies are with us to share together in the vision we have for our Borough as one people we seek to do the Lord's will. (Enter evangelitubbies to "Teletubbies" theme). Hello evangelitubbies

All in high voices Eh-oh!
Narr Tinky Winky
Tinky Eh-oh! waves
Narr Dipsy
Dipsy Eh-oh! waves
Narr La-La
La Eh-oh! waves
Narr Po
Po Eh-oh! waves
Narr Evangelitubbies love one another
All in high voices Love one another hug each other
Narr Evangelitubbies mill around after the service greeting one another warmly in Christian greeting.
Tinky to Dipsy It's wonderful to be together isn't it - certainly beats watching Songs of Praise - what do you think Dopey?
Dipsy Dipsy, the name's Dipsy
Tinky Dipsy, Dopey ... what's the difference. Don't you think that you people are just a bit ...well..er..strange?
Dipsy accusing What do you mean.
Tinky Well, you've got a large spike sticking out of the top of your head - isn't it painful?
Dipsy aghast What's wrong with my spike? A spike is a distinguishing mark of our faith. We're not like you lot with coat hangers on your head - spikes are about continuity - how many references to coat hangers can you find in the Bible ..... well before you get into a pickle trying to work it out I'll tell you - none - absolutely none at all
Tinky Yes, but let's think practically - have you ever tried hanging your coat on a spike? Besides how many references to spikes are there in the Bible - I reckon there aren't any either. Come on tell me, where is there reference to spikes?
Dipsy Oh, come on, you're nit picking - I know that the word "spike doesn't actually appear , but it is inferred as there are plenty of things referred to that have a sharp point so don't come on to me with that one.
Po If you'll pardon me, I think you are both wrong. Just because something is inferred doesn't mean its scriptural. Did you know that there are 33 references to hooks in Scripture?
Dipsy What?
Po I know, I counted them .... so you see, you might be able to wriggle your way through Scripture, but we don't have any problems with our stance. It's about time you people got your act together and get hooks fitted!
All three The three argue amongst one another - ad lib
La trying to be diplomatic Just a moment, surely our headgear isn't important -its the fact that we're all Christians and we've come here to intercede for our Borough, surely our headgear isn't important - it's people's lives
Tinky indignant You won't be saying that when you get to heaven and you've got nothing to hang you coat on! This is why the majority of my church don't come to an event like this - its all very well to talk about people in the Borough coming to faith but they need a coat-hanging experience too.
La But you don't need to have a coat hanger to be a Christian do you? I think you've got a hang up about this.
Dipsy That's because he's got a coat hanger.
Tinky Right, I've had enough of this grabs Dipsy and looks threatening others try to separate them
Narr Evangelitubbies love one another
All turning to Narrator No we don't!
La In fact we've got better things to do
Po everyone begins to leave Yes, we're off home to watch Heartbeat
Dipsy The good thing about Heartbeat is that the policemen all have spikes sticking out of their helmets.
Other threel Shut up!

Mark Reid 1997