Thanks a Bunch

This is a sketch about giving thanks.

Cast: Wife, Husband - a Chelsea fan.
A domestic scene. Husband is watching TV eating a packed of crisps and drinking beer.

H Come on Chelsea! Shoot...urrr....stupid man... it was an open goal!! drinks some beer and scoffs crisps W comes through the door
W I'm home H ignores her
H Oh referee.... he must be blind or something. He was way offside...did you see that...absolutely
pathetic. It's just not been the same since Luca Vialli was sacked.
W Yeah, the football's improved.
H Ha..Ha Get me another beer!
W Pardon?
H Another beer.
W I think there's a magic word missing.
H What?
W The magic's missing
H Magic word...magic word...Abracadabra?
W Oh come on......even the kids can manage better than that.
H Oh.......can I have another beer...chilled!
W leaving the room with glass muttering Chilled..huh
H Come on.... why are continental footballers so boring...come on, take him out, ugh
W returns with glass full of water
W Here you are
H Still looking at television Put it there pointing to floor next to him
W I'm sorry? I think there's something missing.
H Why have you spilt it?
W Grrr slams glass down
H lifts glass What do you call this?
W It's a glass....GLASS he lowers glass andglowers at her - what did you think it was?
H I know it's a glass - what's in it?
W Water
H I wanted beer - can't you understand woman
W Adam was quite happy drinking the stuff so why can't you be?
H lifts the phone I'm going down the pub - by cab so I can come back drunk .... hello...yeah...get a cab around to Acacia Avenue, number 23 straight away, I want to go down to the Dog and Duck...10 minutes? That'll have to do.......what do you mean the magic word..have you been speaking to my wife? Thank you? .... Look, I'm paying you...bringing you business...oh, forget it, I'll walk. Gets up
W What's the problem?
H Can you believe it...she said I'm a rude man and can't even say a simple thank you. What's the matter with common courtesy these days.. why are people so ungrateful them? starts to go
W sarky I wouldn't know. I guess you're glad you always do.
H Of course... thank you. Don't wait up.

Mark Reid 2000