Tales of the Unlikely

This sketch started life as an intro to the story of Zacchaeus. It consists of three "unlikely stories" form Swaffham. You could alter them for your town and situation. There are three scenes: TV News, Jehovah's Witnesses, a dodgy employer.

Character List Narrator, Newsreader 1 (NR 1), Newsreader 2 (NR 2), Jehovah's Witnesses (J 1, J 2), Householder (H), Miss Weilkopolski (W), Mr Smith, a gangmaster (S)

Mission Impossible tune

Narrator: Have you ever thought what the world would be like if it were a slightly different place from what it is now? Here are three tales of the unlikely about Swaffham. Let's go over to the news to hear some unlikely news about Swaffham.

Scene 1 Anglia News

NR 1 And now for some good news for the Norfolk Town of Swaffham
NR 2 It was announced by the Department of Transport this morning to construct a new bypass for the town to take traffic from the busy A1065 road from the town centre. The bypass has been welcomed by the local community
NR 1 And Swaffham's good fortune has continued with the announcement of a scheme to turn the historic market place into a traffic free zone following the announcement of the bypass road. Pedestrians will be able to walk freely around the market square without fear of being run over by juggernauts. This came as part of a package that sees the construction of a multi million pound swimming pool and leisure centre in the town.
NR 2 And now to sport. In last night's match Norwich City had a convincing win over Manchester United in the FA Cup. The Canaries put five past United in a historic 5-1 win at Old Trafford.
NR 1 And now for the weather
NR 2 Tomorrow will be cold and dull, with rain and drizzle blowing in from the North Sea. Temperatures will be about 4 degrees Celsius but will feel much colder in the biting winds
NR1 Well, there are some things it's just impossible to change in Norfolk!

Mission Impossible tune

Narrator: Our second tale of the unlikely takes place on a doorstep somewhere in Swaffham

Scene 2 A front door somewhere in Swaffham

Knock on door

J 1 Good morning madam, we're here to give you good news.
H Just a minute, I've seen you before somewhere - aren't you Jehovah's Witnesses?
J 1 Yes, we are …. Well were
H I'm a Christian and just don't accept your nonsense
J 1 You're absolutely right, we've realised that everything we have believed is a load of nonsense and we're quite happy to let everybody know
H Oh good.
J 1 And we're quite happy to let people know that so they will no longer be deceived
J 2 And no longer are we going to try and sell you a copy of the Watchtower
H Excellent - so are you going to tell people the good news about Jesus?
J 2 Gracious no. That's not why we're here!
J 1 Oh, no, we're here to tell you some other good news. Did you know you can save up to 20% on your gas and electricity bills.
J 2 Yes, with National Power, if you have your gas, electricity and telephone with us, you can save , save, save
H I really don't think I'd be interested.
J 1 O come on all you need to do is fill in the form
H Go away!

Mission Impossible tune

Narrator: Our last tale of the unlikely takes place in a bedsit in Swaffham where some Eastern European ladies are visited by their gangmaster boss.

Scene 3 A flat somewhere in Swaffham

  Knock on door. People squeezed on to the chairs
W 'ello. Oh, 'ello Mr Smeeth. What are you doing here? (all stare as S with unpleasant looks on their faces)
S I'm sorry to disturb you so late. My goodness, it's cramped in here isn't it?
W Well you do house 10 of your workers in here!
S I know Miss Weilkopolski and quite frankly, I've come to apologise for the poor conditions that we have been keeping you in here.
W No, no Mr Smeeth, we are all so pleased to be in your country (all nod) The bedsit you given us to share enough for us. We take it in turns to share the bed and the seats.
S That's just not good enough. I'm going to arrange for each of you to have a bedsit of your own.
W No, no , no Mr Smeeth, we happy to be in this bedsit. We no want to pay more rent because we no share. The 80 pounds a week you charge each of us is Ok.
S What I mean to say is that, no person should be ripped off to be rack-rented like this. You shall each have a bedsit and only pay me 40 pounds a week
  W stands for a moment looking amazed
S I owe you a big apology. I've brought you from our countries, I've paid you peanuts, ripped you off with this flat and exploited you by making you work 12 hours a day for six days a week picking sprouts.
W I don't know what say Mr Smeeth
S Say nothing. From now on, you are going to be employed legally, paid a decent living wage, work proper hours and given your legal rights. What's more I'm going to compensate you four times over for what I've cheated you out of. Is that OK? Do you accept? Explain it in your language to your friends
W Just a moment (all get into a huddle and W explains inaudibly - then all faint in a heap on the floor)
S I take that as a yes then

Mission Impossible tune.