It's Only Money

This is one of our most popular sketches. It's fair to say that the audience can see what is coming. We based this on Luke 12:20-31 - the parable of the rich fool. As always, you will need to contextualise the jokes for your country!

Scene: a sitting room with husband watching television about 8pm on a Saturday evening. The husband is checking his lottery numbers whilst the wife is sitting reading a magazine

H Yes.....Yesss......Yesss......YES..........YESSS...I DON'T BELIEVE IT....YESSSSSSS - jumps up and down - I've won, I've won, I've won!
W What's going on?
H Husband I've won the Lottery!
W Oh, I didn't know you'd become Chairman of Camelot
H No, I'm not joking, I've won the jackpot - 10 million quid!
W You're kidding - let me see the ticket putting hand out to take ticket
H Not on your life! This is my ticket! I paid for it, so its my 10 million.
W Oh come on, don't be silly.
H Now what shall I spend it on - maybe I'll by a Range Rover - I always fancied one of those. We'll need a new house, not this dump any more. In fact we could buy a mansion - perhaps a few. We could buy a yacht and cruise the world. And holidays - no more fortnights in Clacton, we'll be able to afford Acapulco, Bondi Beach and all that. We'll have enough stored up to keep us in luxury for the rest of our lives.
W I think you're very mean.
H Why?
W Well think of all the people 10 million pounds could help - you could still have a nice life and really help the poor of the world.
H Huh, Tony Blair can sort then out - that's his job and he's got billions to play with picks up telephone
W What are you doing?
H I'm going to ring up old Smithers and tell him what he can do with his job!
W Do you think that's wise?
H What can he do now? (puts down ticket and dials).. Hello, Mr Smithers? - or perhaps should I say Smithers the Sulk as they say in the Typing Pool........ No, I haven't been drinking I just rang up to say what a useless employer you are. (wife picks up ticket and begins to look with shock at it) You overwork and underpay your employees, you're overweight and overbearing. (wife tries to get husband's attention - he pushes her off) I think that you should get a life or at least get a personality transplant...... Fired, moi? You must be joking - I quit - effective immediately (slams phone down) - Ha! That told him! I've wanted to do that for years!
W You fool!
H What do you mean?
W This is LAST WEEK'S TICKET. You haven't won a thing! (both freeze, husband has stunned look on his face).

Mark Reid 2000