This is a sketch about what basis we place our trust upon and not judging by appearances.
Cast: a large male householder (M) and a small, female market researcher (R) with a clipboard.
R | Good morning sir, I'm from British Opinions and we are taking an opinion poll of people's views in this area for The Daily Telegraph. May I have a few moments of your time. |
M | No, go away |
R | Oh come on, it is anonymous - look (showing him the clipboard) I don't have a space for your name and address. Besides, we do give you a £25 Sainsbury's voucher when the Questionnaire is completed. |
M | Well (hesitantly), maybe then |
R | Thank you. I'd just like a few personal details. Firstly, what is your occupation? |
M | None of your business |
R | It is anonymous |
M | Well, I'm a ..... civil servant. |
R | What department? |
M | (mumbling) Inland Revenue. |
R | A Taxman! No wonder you didn't want to tell me |
M | Get on with it. |
R | If there was a general election tomorrow, who would you vote for? |
M | Don't know |
R | You must have some idea. |
M | They're all dodgy aren't they. You can't trust them with a barge pole - put me as undecided. |
R | I see......next question - do you eat British beef. |
M | Certainly not, you can't trust it to be safe. |
R | Next question ................ may I just step inside, it is a little cold out here. |
M | Certainly |
R | Next question - Should Britain go into the Eurpoean single currency? |
M | No - you can't trust those bureaucrats in Brussels - never trust those continentals my Dad said - we fought through two world wars to keep them out and now we're letting them in. |
R | Last question - do you have a Bank account?. |
M | No - I don't all those fat cats who run the Banks - always pay in cash, that's me. |
R | I suppose you keep it in your matress. |
M | Of course not. That isn't safe, I might get burgled. Always in my pocket - safest place it can be! |
R | You don't trust anyone do you? |
M | Definitely not - never trust anyone my old Mum said - look after yourself, trust your own judgement. |
R | How do you know I'm not a crook - after all you've let me into your house. |
M | You look pretty harmless - at your size I think I can trust you (laughs) |
R | Well that's where you're wrong (pulling
a gun) Now hand over all your money! Both freeze |
© Mark Reid 2000