The Market Researcher

This is a sketch about what basis we place our trust upon and not judging by appearances.

Cast: a large male householder (M) and a small, female market researcher (R) with a clipboard.

R Good morning sir, I'm from British Opinions and we are taking an opinion poll of people's views in this area for The Daily Telegraph. May I have a few moments of your time.
M No, go away
R Oh come on, it is anonymous - look (showing him the clipboard) I don't have a space for your name and address. Besides, we do give you a 25 Sainsbury's voucher when the Questionnaire is completed.
M Well (hesitantly), maybe then
R Thank you. I'd just like a few personal details. Firstly, what is your occupation?
M None of your business
R It is anonymous
M Well, I'm a ..... civil servant.
R What department?
M (mumbling) Inland Revenue.
R A Taxman! No wonder you didn't want to tell me
M Get on with it.
R If there was a general election tomorrow, who would you vote for?
M Don't know
R You must have some idea.
M They're all dodgy aren't they. You can't trust them with a barge pole - put me as undecided.
R I question - do you eat British beef.
M Certainly not, you can't trust it to be safe.
R Next question ................ may I just step inside, it is a little cold out here.
M Certainly
R Next question - Should Britain go into the Eurpoean single currency?
M No - you can't trust those bureaucrats in Brussels - never trust those continentals my Dad said - we fought through two world wars to keep them out and now we're letting them in.
R Last question - do you have a Bank account?.
M No - I don't all those fat cats who run the Banks - always pay in cash, that's me.
R I suppose you keep it in your matress.
M Of course not. That isn't safe, I might get burgled. Always in my pocket - safest place it can be!
R You don't trust anyone do you?
M Definitely not - never trust anyone my old Mum said - look after yourself, trust your own judgement.
R How do you know I'm not a crook - after all you've let me into your house.
M You look pretty harmless - at your size I think I can trust you (laughs)
R Well that's where you're wrong (pulling a gun) Now hand over all your money!

Both freeze

Mark Reid 2000