This sketch is
about not believing and can be used in a number of contexts
Husband, Wife, Delivery Person
Scene: a living room where husband is reading a book and wife is looking through bank statements.
W | (reading through bank statements and starts to look agitated). I don't believe it! What's this cheque for £200 here? |
H | What cheque? |
W | Drawn on the 5th of April, number 0001345. I don't remember writing a cheque for that much. |
H | Don't ask me. You shouldn't be disorganised. |
W | Don't call me disorganised - I've seen YOUR paperwork! I don't believe it! It's piled into a heap on your desk. |
H | It's my filing system - I bet I can find almost anything in seconds. Which is more than I can say for the draw in which you keep important papers. I just don't believe that! |
W | Now come on, I just don't believe I would write a cheque for this amount of money. |
H | I could |
W | Listen, Mr Sarky. Do you know where the cheque book is? |
H | Don't ask me. Why don't you go and look for it in your messy draw. |
W | I don't believe your attitude some times (storms off) |
(H goes back to reading his book) | |
W | (enters) Here it is (flicks through and compares with statement) here it is 0001345. It's been left blank. I don't believe it! You haven't filled it in. |
H | What do you mean ME. You're the only one who uses the cheque book. |
W | I'm ringing the bank and getting to the bottom of this! (goes to phone and starts dialling) |
H | (pulls out plug as W looks away) |
W | It's gone dead! I don't believe it! |
H | Oh, that's a shame |
W | It's you - you've been spending money behind my back. Come on admit it. |
H | What would I be spending money behind your back for? |
W | Come on admit it. You've been buying stuff for that wretched computer of yours - and not telling me! We just can't afford that kind of money you know. |
H | But I haven't been spending money on the computer. |
W | I don't believe you! You're being devious. I think it's a disgrace. Do you think that money grows on trees or something - not to be wasted on your computer |
H | But . |
W | (continues ignoring him) You only ever think of yourself. Spending money on yourself! You never think of me. (knock at door) Tut! I don't believe it. I'll get that. |
D | Delivery for Mrs Smith. Please sign here. |
W | (signs) Thank you. (closes door) I'm not expecting a parcel |
H | Well open it then |
W | (opens it) I don't believe it (brings our jewellery case) |
H | It's from me - that's what I spent the £200 on. |
W | It's lovely but why? |
H | Happy anniversary - 20 years today! |
W | I don't believe it. |
H | What? This is the first year for 15 years that I've remembered our anniversary - I thought you'd be pleased. |
W | You twit - it's NEXT MONTH. |
H | Oh . (both freeze) |
© Mark Reid 2003